Tamrawi Mihiretu

4 years home

2010-12-29T15:27:00.000-08:00

We had our best Ethiopian meal yet this year. Craig is getting good with his injera and doro wat. Zekari loves it and we all got dressed up in our Ethiopian garb and put on the videos of the Ethiopian dancers. It was a great time. 4 years has flown.

Freek Show

2010-09-28T14:39:00.000-07:00

What would you feel like if there was one very noticeable thing that was different about you then most of the people around you? Sometimes your family went out of their way to be around others like you and sometimes you would see others like you around town but none of those close to you really understood what it means to be different.

I try to imagine what it must be like to be a trans racially adopted child. I know I can never understand fully. I confess that long amounts of time go by sometimes without thinking about it. Then something happens that brings it back into focus, Usually in a glaring confusing way. The first few times it happened I did not know what to do and did nothing. But I promised myself that the next time that my son was made to feel uncomfortable just for being himself I would take action. I figured even a misguided attempt would be better then leaving my child to feel alone.

So, a few weeks ago while our family was walking around at the state fair I fell behind Craig and the kids by 10 feet or so. Just as they passed a group of kids(probably jr high age) one of the boys pointed at My son and shouted "Oh my God, do you see how dark that black kid is?". My blood began to boil within me and I am sure that I looked like the very devil. For a brief moment I rustled with myself. What should I do?

Now, let me explain that the facts proclaimed by this stupid child is not what upset me. My son is in fact darker then the other African American people that were there. There is nothing wrong with a person noticing that. I don't even mind an ignorant or inappropriate question or comment, but to humiliate a child for being different and stop the crowd with a shout of shock and discussed is unacceptable. As the crowd terned to look at my son I distracted them by shouting at the top of my lungs. Instead of looking to see the "dark, black kid" They instead terned and saw a woman standing with her pointing finger inches from a young man's nose while shouting "Oh my God, Do you see this kid and how pail and sickly he looks?"

What would you have done?

We are a family

2010-08-16T22:37:00.000-07:00

A few days ago I was killing some time on the computer and I looked up some of the adoption forums I use to frequent. I realized it had been months since I had gone there. As I read through the familiar discussions I had a revelation. I no longer relate to newly adoptive families or families in the process of adopting. That part of my life seems so distant. I no longer distinguish in my mind the difference between my adopted children and my biological children. Now I have heard adoptive parents say this before and I always thought that maybe they were just trying to convince everyone of their "normalness". But right now as I look at my 7 children I don't think of them as 5 bio and 2 adopted. Adoption is something that happened to 2 of my kids but it does not define them.

I no longer go to the forums with questions about how to cope with attachment related behavior, And when I read questions about it I am like 'oh yea, now i remember going through that.' How strange that I forgot. I no longer feel the need to gather strength from others who have faced the same issues. Not to say I have it all figured out. Issues still surface from time to time. I have my little stash of adoption books were I can find them if I need them. I have the address of the websites that I like bookmarked. I have out social workers number in my phone (although no longer on speed dial). I know we have many issues still to face but right now it is so nice to just be a mother of 7, not a mother of 5 and 2.

World aids orphans day

2010-05-07T10:46:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking a lot about what to say today but this morning as I read Erin's blog I decided she says it better then I ever could. Her life has been touched by aids in a way I can only imagine. So, I am sending you over to her blog. She has a great perspective that shows the reality of the problem and yet never gives up hope.

What if it was Ethiopia?

2010-04-15T13:57:00.000-07:00

This morning I got an e-mail from an adoption advocate group saying that Russia announced that it is indeed closing its doors to Americans wishing to adopt. I am not to familiar with Russia's system. I researched in 5 years ago when we first started looking at adoption but much has changed since then.

I met the news of the closure with conflicting emotions. Part of me broke for the families in process who already love a child that they now will not be able to bring home. Part of me was relieved that maybe it could lead to a better process in the future. Maybe Russia would implement the Hague convention. Part of me was angered that Russian officials are acting so hastily and pointing fingers as though American families are taking healthy thriving children and crushing them and then sending them back. Another part of me felt that their feelings are justified by the reprehensible actions of some who have adopted from Russia.

Most of me was just sad, sad that there is no way to stop the suffering of the children involved. No matter which way it goes babies will cry themselves to sleep tonight with no one to rock them. The older kids won’t cry because they have given up hope. They know that crying out will do no good. No one will come. No one cares.

I have several friends who were adopted from Russia as older children. I know some of what goes on. Although my boys are not from Russia two of them spent time in an orphanage. I don't think of their adoptions every day. They are my sons and most days the fact that they are adopted does not cross my mind.

For some reason last night as I tucked Tomi into bed it crossed my mind for the fist time all day. I lay down beside him and he tucked in against me while he sucked his fingers and clung to his little blue bear. Oh how I treasure it when he does that. It took him 9 month to learn how to cuddle me and I do not take it for grated as I do with my biological children.

My mind flooded with what ifs. What if the foolish woman who sent her child back had adopted from Ethiopia. What if she had broken one year earlier? What if Ethiopia called off it's adoption program. What would Tomi's life look like today? Would he even be alive? If he was alive he would be in an orphanage smaller then our house with 30 other children.

I have a picture of him in his orphanage. He sits on the floor in a sea of faces looking up with vacant stares. A few toys are strews here and there but no one plays with them. They just sit there waiting. Nothing ever changes. They grow up and when they are too old they either stay to take care of the younger children or go out into the world. The statistics for children aging out of the system are grim. suicide, prostitution, incarceration, make up almost the sum of them.

The thought of my Tomi sitting on that floor day after day, laying in one of the white cribs lined up in rows night after night brings me to my knees in agony. He was left there when he was three days old. Before he came to us he knew nothing of what it was to be in a family.
He is a fighter; he is one of those kids that rises to the top wherever he is. What would happen to that spirit if he lived out his childhood in an orphanage? Would he give up and stop crying eventually? Would he hold out the longest of all the children just to fall victim to malaria, hiv, or typhoid? I can never know what would have been.

The truth for Russia's orphans is that they are about to find out.

1 year in pictures

2010-03-29T21:52:00.000-07:00

Look before you leap

2010-01-30T15:00:00.000-08:00

We see them on the news. Their faces stare at us from adds on the Internet. From peoples blogs and e-mails from aid organizations. Haiti's orphans, suddenly thrust into the spot light of the world. And who would not want to help them? They are alone and hungry. Their homes reduced to rubble, their families missing (maybe dead, maybe not). Rumors travel quickly that many may be available for adoption. There are petitions to our government to bring them to the states to find them new homes. Even in our small town there are people going around taking down names of families who would be willing to adopt one of the many orphans. They are assuring people it will only take 6 months and cost $5000.

My mothers heart want to scoop them up and take care of them. However, lurking behind the exterior of this story is a complex issue that is not new. Haitian orphans are not a new issue. 11 years ago I spent a month working there and believe me it was no picnic before the earth quake.

When Craig and I decided to adopt Haiti was one of the fist countries I looked into. It did not take long to see that it was to for us. There were a long list of regulations that we did not meet as well as a donting 2-3 year process that was anything but structured. Mind you this was before the government buildings collapsed and the country went into an uproar. Why people think it will be easier without a governments up and running is a little disturbing.

I whole hearted supported the unites states expediting the visa process of the children in the process of being adopted by US citizens. I can not even imagine what it must have been like for those families when the earth quake hit. But now people are talking about bringing other orphans here. Well meaning people sign petitions to their congressmen and senators trying to get the kids here. After all, they need families, don't they?

What these people don't realize is what it would mean if we do this. To send out people to gather the lost and scared children with no one around to help, to load them on a plane headed for another country where they will be distributed to families has a name. Pre-earth quake it would have been called kid napping. Another name for it would be human trafficking. You simply can not take a child from their country when their government is not looking because you deem yourself able to give them better care.

If you were injured or missing or even dead would you want the government of another country to come a take your children away? Why does it seem so crazy that these children may have people who love them still living. In the wake of disaster and loss these children need a little familiarity, at the very least people who speak their language. Adoption is a very traumatic thing for children. To pile trauma onto trauma could be so damaging to these very, very vulnerable children.

Please don't get me wrong. I love adoption. When a family who wants and loves a child is united with a child who truly needs a family it is a wonderful thing. Many of the new and old orphans in Haiti may fall into that category. I hope and pray that in time the Haitian government and the many aid workers in Haiti will figure out which ones need families and do their utmost to do what is best for each child.

I would be thrilled if the US took this opportunity to make adoption from Haiti more efficient. But, to think that the US government has the right to take any child from another country when the government is down and there is no regulation in place would be catastrophic. To assume that everyone who would take advantage of this opportunity has good intentions is very naive. There is a well established sex trade in Haiti. If those trying to help throw out regulation it will swing the doors wide for those who seek only self gain at the expense of the very children we are trying to help.

I do not want to discourage anyone from adoption or from helping Haitian children in a time of great need. If you truly want to help I recommend going to Heart line Ministries and reading up on the best way to help. If you are truly interested in adoption do lots and lots of research before you get started. Adoption is a long hard road and if you get an offer that seems to good to be true, it is.

happy new year

2009-09-11T10:56:00.001-07:00

Melkam Addis Amet, Happy 2002 Ethiopia!!

If you are adopting (or not) you have to read this

2009-06-10T10:32:00.000-07:00

This blog post says what I want to say only better. You really have t o read it. I especially love the quote

"If you're following a Jesus that doesn't demand sacrifice of all earthly endeavors, than I don't know what Jesus you're following"

I think this picture speaks for itself!

2009-06-01T12:09:00.000-07:00

I have been a little sick so I have been laying on the couch a lot and holding my little boys. I put this picture with some others on the family blog but I just really love it. I can't believe how far he has come in just 2 months.

a day to show Tomi off

2009-05-27T13:59:00.000-07:00

Today was our home visit for Tomi's 3 month post placement report. It went very well. Tomi was as cute as could be and the other five behaved very well.

Let me say now that I absolutely love our social worker. We have worked with her through both our adoptions over the last four years. She is a single mother of two girls from China and we consider her a true friend. I always laugh when we tell people we have a visit from our social worker and they get a strangely scared look on their face. I once read a warning about posting family info on your blog because your social worker could read it. I thought to myself, Oh what a good idea I should drop her an e-mail with our blog address. She has been so helpful and I know I can call her with about any question. If she does not have an answer, she knows someone who does. She has an education back ground and has been so insightful and helpful with Zekari's learning delays.

So I just though I would give a shout out to social workers everywhere. Thank you for what you do.

One year ago

2009-05-21T18:21:00.000-07:00

This week last year we found Tamrat waiting for us. Over the course of the week we got info on his health and history. He was in Bet Saida orphanage and had been since three days old. There were only a few pictures at the time and they were old. He was 10 months old and weighed just 9 pounds. One year ago today we watched a 3 minute video of him and decided to pursue the adoption. We did not tell the kids for quite a while. We did not announce it to friends and family until the end of July but all summer long I watched his video and looked at pictures and prayed for him. the 10 months it took to bring him home were some of the longest of my life but now that they are behind me I wonder were the year went.

I love you Tomi and I am so glad that I am your Mommy.

Spruce Amba Family

2009-04-04T10:41:00.000-07:00

Now that Tomi is home with us it seems strange to keep posting separately here on this blog. So, from this point on all the fun little updates and pictures will be over on on our Family Blog. I will keep this one for adoption specific updates and info as we continue our journey. To read about Tomi and his new life go to Spruce Amba Family.

The first family picture

2009-04-02T14:21:00.000-07:00

Teeth

2009-04-02T13:58:00.000-07:00

One thing I forgot to mention. 8 weeks ago he had four teeth. During the week in Ethiopia with Craig he got three more. He is now cutting all is two year molars and all four of his eye teeth. by the end of the week he will likely have 16 teeth. It is pretty amazing.

Day three

2009-04-02T11:44:00.000-07:00

Tomi is sick. Yesterday he had a runny nose and when I put him to bed he coughed a little. In the night he kept coughing and wheezing. This morning he has a mild fever and is a little lethargic. Nothing major, but he is sleeping even more then his usual 18 hours a day.

Last night we had fit #2. It went really well. He only cried for about three minutes and then he nestled in to me and even made a little eye contact. once he was all calmed down I put him in his bed and he went right to sleep. This morning when I took him up for his nap he cried for about 30 second and then curled up to me to be rocked to sleep. I guess there is one up side to having a sick baby. He needs held and loved and I am the only one around so he is stuck with me. And he does not seem to disappointed with that either. Hopefully this will just be a quick litter cold and he will be better shortly.

Two days home

2009-04-01T11:48:00.000-07:00

things are going really well. We lived through our first big tantrum last night and it only lasted 20 minutes or so and then he calmed down to sleep. He is about the cutest ting you ever saw. He says a few words in Amharic baby talk and it is so sweet. He calls me mommy and Craig daddy already but other then that he does not know any English. He takes two 3 hour naps as well as sleeping 12 hours at night.

He likes the sling when he gets tired. I weighed him last night and he is right at 20 pounds. He seems like the picture of health right now. HE started walking at 14 months and frankly I can not imagine why he was diagnosed with CP. Of course we will take him to be analyzed and tested just to be on the safe side. I have spent the last 6 months or so researching potential issues related to CP but I see none of them. He is obviously left handed but his right hand works just fine. For a child who has been in an orphanage since three days old I would say he is doing great. Other then being tiny he shows nothing to be worried about for now.

First impressions

2009-03-31T11:22:00.001-07:00

I don't have much time but I want to document a few things about the first day before I forget. This is a list of the things I notice immediately .

#1. As I have said before; He is tiny. He is much smaller then I expected. He is close in size to my 9 month old niece. It is almost strange that a baby that small can walk and feed himself.

#2. He shows many more signs of institutionalization then Zekari did. Zekari new how to except love when he came home. He had a family once and even though it has been hard to get over the loss of them he was seeking out love and acceptance. Tamrat has never had a family. He had nannies who really loved him and an orphanage director who spent more time and money on him then any other child just to keep him alive but he does not no how to be cuddled or hugged. His behavior is very similar to the children I worked with in Haiti. We will have a long way to go on this.

#3. He is attaching himself to me really fast. Now just to clarify I don't mean a healthy attachment yet. He is obviously scared and confused and comes to me for food to help cope.

#4. I have not seen a real cry yet. He is definitely suppressing his fear at this point. He does a goofy fake cry when he does not get his way but I have seen no tears or any real feeling yet.

#5. Food is going to be a big issue. If he can find food he will eat it. He will not stop on his own and he will definitely eat until he makes himself vomit if we let him. We did expect this. He was extremely malnourished for the first year of his life. Even now he is pretty skinny for his height. We have told the kids that they can not feed him without asking, not even to share a cracker or cheerios. Craig and I are providing the food for now so we can monitor how much he gets. This could be a long struggle and we will be working with a doctor to set boundaries and make sure he is growing well.

#6. His development is better then we expected. He walks with a stiff gate but compared to when Craig got him two weeks ago he is doing great. I would say he is about at a 12 month developmental stage which is not bad for a child in an orphanage. He is learning new things really fast. We expected to have a lot of problems so this is good news.

That is all for now. I will get some new pictures today and of course I will show them off.

They are home!

2009-03-30T14:45:00.000-07:00

the mountain held it's breath

2009-03-30T11:02:00.000-07:00

As I write Craig and Tamrat are boarding a small plane for the last 20 minute plane ride over the Cook Inlet toward home. They touched down in Anchorage about an hour ago. Katie and I are headed to the air port to get them. We got four inches of beautiful fluffy snow last night. The sky is blue and I am finally getting excited.

waiting for the sky to clear

2009-03-28T13:15:00.000-07:00

Craig and Tamrat have been delayed by the volcano. I waited in Anchorage overnight and part of today. It went off three more times today so I am not counting on them getting a stand by flight any time soon. They are scheduled to fly in Monday morning so I am praying that the ash will clear long enough for that flight to make it.

I reluctantly did the three hour drive back home without my boy and now I wait and watch the sky to see if Monday will work out

For the time being they are resting safely with our friends at Team Carlson. I am so relieved that they are comfortable and safe rather then sitting in an air port indefinitely. I talked to Craig for a while this morning and got some new pictures. Of course I will updated the blog when there is something to say but it will not likely be until Monday and then it may or may not be happy news.

they are stuck

2009-03-27T22:36:00.000-07:00

The Mountain blew agian just as he boarded the plane. He is sceduled to come on Monday morning. He may be able to get a stand by flight before that but since there are thousands of people effected by this it is not likely. He is checked into a hotel for the night (a nice couple took pity on him and payed for his room) For those friends of ours in Seattle if you are willing to take him in tomorrow night if need be leave a message with a phone number. I won't publish it but I will pass it on to Craig so he can get in touch.

12 hours until touch down

2009-03-27T12:18:00.000-07:00

As I have no way of knowing if there will be a delay I am just planning on a normal arrival. In just about 12 hours the plane should be unloading in Anchorage and I will meet my little son.

In a few hours Katie and I will head to Anchorage to hang out at my sister's house until it is time to go to the air port. There is of course the distinct possibility that he may be delayed and we may have to stay in anchorage longer then we are planning but for right now we are taking it one hour at a time.

Some flights are still going and we wont know for sure if the flight is canceled until about 6 hours before. Then of course we have to hope that the mountain does not blow during the flight or they will have to tern back. Luckily we have friends in Seattle so if they do get stuck there for more then a few hours hopefully they can go take a nap or something.

So, friends in Seattle: Prepare yourself to be imposed upon. And if you meet my son before me I will be jealous forever.

To Cheer myslef up

2009-03-26T13:39:00.000-07:00

after the upsetting news of potential delay due to the volcano, I am looking through all the pictures we have of Tamrat and going over all the info we have ever received on him. Craig found out yesterday some really good stuff on T's life at the orphanage. He was able to speak to the woman who did most of the mothering to him. She told him a lot about his health and what helped him make the big tern around when he finally started growing.

For those of you who don't know the story. Tamrat did not gain any wait for the first 11 months of his life. I mean NONE. He weighed less at 10 month then he did at two weeks. Anyway the Miracle Formula was Peanut based. I have never heard of such a thing and it goes against everything I have ever heard about feeding baby's anything with peanuts in it but hay, it saved my babies life so I am not arguing.

Craig did not tell me this woman's name in his letter but I am eternally grateful to her for staying by my baby's side even when it looked like there was no hope.

On their way home

2009-03-26T11:01:00.000-07:00

If the plain is on schedule it should be taking off at any minute. In about 37 hours they should touch down in Anchorage. Then, we have a three hour drive home. ********************

This post is interrupted to announce that Redoubt has just erupted again. We all rushed to the van to go to the top of the hill to see it. Unfortunately it is to cloudy to see it right now. We are just inside the norther part of projected path of the ash cloud. If they are right it should start to rain ash in a few hours. The good thing is that the explosion threw the cloud high enough that a lot of it will likely not come back down. The really bad thing is that if it goes south and stays high it could shut down the flight between Seattle and Anchorage. If this delays my little boy getting home I am going to be really upset.

Tamrat still has the toy Katie sent him :)

2009-03-25T15:34:00.000-07:00

Pictures

2009-03-25T11:36:00.000-07:00

Nothing new to report but I got some new pictures this morning. I am afraid they did not cheer me up as much as I thought they would. I just want my baby home and I miss my husband. He is so little. I can't wait to meet him and hold him.

The Embassy

2009-03-23T11:06:00.000-07:00

I heard from Craig this morning that everything went fine at the embassy. I am so releived. I was so afraid I had screwed up some paperwork or something. On the way home they stopped for food and the driver locked everyone out of the car for two hours. Sounds fun, huh?

We did get some really good news. He may be able to meet with Tamrat's birth mother. They were able to contact her and she may or may not show up tomorrow. It would be so nice to get some answers and a little history on him. Even just a little solid info is better then nothing but resonable assumption. I realy hope it works out. I just sent of a list of questions for him to ask her if they meet.

I tried to send it earlier but, of all the rediculouse things, we have been haveing power outages all morning so I have had to keep the computer off.

Names, do they matter?

2009-03-22T16:04:00.000-07:00

One of the things you have to think about differently when you adopt is naming. When a child grows inside you it is natural to Begin to look up names. Many people do this long before procreating is really an option. I had four names picked out when I was 12 for the four children I would have. They were as follows, Daniel, Katherine, Rebecka, and Nathan; in that order.

Well, things did not go exactly as I planned but I still love those names. After giving birth to three girls and deciding to adopt we sort of fell into the idea that we would name our new child Daniel. All of my friends who were adopted had their names changed and I did not think twice about it, until I did some research.

The first time it struck me was while reading on an anti adoption website. It was run by a very bitter woman who had put a child up for adoption nearly 50 years ago. along with several others who had been adopted and tried in vain later in life to find their biological parents. They spoke of the effects of hiding the truth from children, the legal, but fraudulent papers that are issued with every domestic adoption listing the adopted parents as the parents who gave birth to them. The names are changed and these people have no idea were they came from, why they were placed for adopting or what they were named by the women who carried them and gave birth to them.

This idea came to the forefront of my thinking when a friend of mine (also adopted) terned 18, and discovered what her name had been. She changed it legally and has gone by her original name ever since.

I read many, many blogs by adoptees who questioned the need to rename them. Many saw it as an attempt to deny their past. Some had slightly differing opinions but they all cared, they all wanted to send the message that it matters: Life before adoption matters to them, and should matter to their new parents.

As I researched waiting children with our agency I was struck by the fact that they were not just numbers. They were people. There was a story behind every face and every child came with a name. Slowly we decided that we would keep our child's name and give him only our last name.

When we found Zekari waiting in ET I was thrilled. We liked his first name and his last name which we planned on making his middle name. In Ethiopia a child's last name is his fathers first name. If more distinction is needed the grandfathers name may be used. We planned to keep his second name to honor his birth father.

After We brought Zekari home we changed our plans again. We discovered that the last name on the paper was false and he in fact had no last name. He was a fatherless child with no name. We followed Ethiopian tradition and gave him his new fathers first name as his second name and gave him our last name. The only name we did not give him was given to him by his birth mother. She gave birth to him alone in a small hut and although she had no earthly reason to hope she named him Zekarias (My God will remember me). He went by that name for three years and we strongly felt it would be wrong to take it from him simply to make it easier for the American tongue.

Our newest little boy has a story that we don't know. He has been in an orphanage since two weeks of age. We have no family history but we do know that when his birth mother took him there she told them his name. She had named him Tamrat. In Amharic Tamrat means Miracle. Her name was given to him as his last name which leads us to assume that his story was like Zekari's he had no father and there for no last name.

We again decided to give him his new father's name and to keep his first name. We have been advised against in an nearly every tern. Yes we are aware of the potential difficulty he may face in having a name that is not pronounced as it looks. Tamrat is pronounced like Tom-rrrot. Craig has discovered that his nick name is Tommy. That should be easy enough for us closed minded Americans to handle. But still the concept is one I think about a lot.

Both of my Ethiopian boys grew in another woman. Both were fathered by men who we have no history on, not even a name. Both were born in poverty and despair but were given names with huge cultural and religious significance. They were not named by the policeman who found them (which does happen sometimes) and they were not named by an orphanage director ( also a common happening). They were named by their first mothers; The woman who God chose to bring them into the world; the women who would have raised them and loved them if this world had not been destroyed by the power of sin.

I know that many people have differing view points and I do not pretend to have the answer for every family or every child. I do know what is right for our family at this time. Perhaps they will grow to resent my choice and maybe some time down the road they will have a website telling how they wished their adoptive parents had chosen to change their names.

For now I can not ignore the outcry of a generation of grown adoptees who want to be the people they were born to be. Most of them can never go back. My Sons will never be Ethiopian in the same way they would be if they stayed there. However, I want to allow them to be able to keep at least a remnant of their past. At least some day it may be used as a road map back.

If they are fortunate enough to someday return and meet again the woman who brought them into this world they will at least answer to the name they gave them. They will here their name spoken and they will know that is who they are. They are every bit my own sons, and they are every bit Zekarias and Tamrat.

A little more news

2009-03-21T19:32:00.000-07:00

I got a few more e-mails this morning. Not a lot to say except that the Internet is to slow to send pictures so he is sending some home with the agency rep and she will e mail them to me once she is back in the states. I think that means Monday but I may be over obsessing.

The few articles of interest are as follows:

#1. He goes by Tommy, but with the emphasis on the y.

#2. He shows little to no noticeable sign of his original diagnosis of Cerebral Palsy.

#3. He is still small from the malnutrition but totally chubby and eating well.

#4. He throws a fit when he does not get his way.

#5. The 47 hour trip home is going to be lots of fun ;)

My Update!!!!

2009-03-20T10:03:00.000-07:00

I did wake up to an update! No pictures because, well, you guessed it; they are having power outages :) I took out the personal and unnecessary parts but here it is; the latest news on my baby.

hey there,

The trip was excellent I made it in early to Addis. I met with tamrat this morning and am still amazed at how able he is. HE runs he has great fine motor skills in both hands and loves popcorn!
He is very independent and plays with toys. HE likes to throw them and have me pick them up for him. I can't believe how tired I am.
...........................................................................................................He drinks out of a regular cup. He is strong, but much smaller than Dan. They will do great together by summers end. He is very social and ticklish. He likes movement and is very aware of everything around him. I took a lot of pictures, but am having computer issues. Will send them as soon as I can. There has been several power outages also.
............................................................................................................ I need to go for now will try to be on late tonight. say 9:00 Ethiopian, you can do the math to figure out your time. Love you, give the kids a hug for me.
............................................................................................
Craig

meeting Tamrat

2009-03-19T21:44:00.000-07:00

If my estamations are correct Craig should be meeting Tamrat tonight while I am asleep. I still have not heard from him but since he got to Addis at 11:00pm and it is just now quarter till 8:00am I doupt he has had time to get on the computer. Hopefully I will wake up to an update. If not he better have a good story about a power outage or something :)

Daddy is on his way

2009-03-18T10:19:00.000-07:00

Craig left at 4:00am this mourning for Ethiopia. It should take about 28 hours in all. I am exhausted from stressing myself out over packing and making sure he had everything ready. I really hope his luggage gets there this time. When he brought Zekari home his bags were lost and we did not get them back until about a month later. He packed really light this time and put extra cloths and Tamrat's stuff in his carry on (we are getting smarter and smarter). I will update you as soon as I here from him.

One more day

2009-03-16T20:03:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the last day I have to finish packing and triple check to make sure all the paperwork is together and organized. I suddenly realized today that I have no idea what size feet Tamrat has. I am packing several sizes and whatever does not fit can be left there for the other kids. I am a little to stressed to right a thoughtful post tonight. While Craig is gone I will probably be posting quite a bit just for something to do to stay sane.

I will also put up any pictures he sends and some updates of his trip. We do not no what to expect this time around. We doubt we will be able to meet any birth relatives although we will be able to visit the orphanage he has been in since birth. I know that the next two weeks could be the hardest of his life. He is about to loose everything he has ever known. I am scared for him. He is just to young to understand or communicate his feelings but old enough to be deeply effected by being uprooted. I am confidant that it is the best thing for him to be in a family who loves him and can care for him but it breaks my heart to think what he will lose to gain it.

What a picture does

2009-02-25T22:58:00.000-08:00

During our adoptions I had a preconceived idea of the child we would bring home. When we first got the referral paperwork for Zekari I specifically did not look at the picture until I had read every piece of paper and gone over every medical chart and was confidant that we could adopt him. The picture was the icing on the cake. HE was every bit the child I had envisioned.

Over the next 4 months I looked at that picture many times a day; literally so much that I began to almost resent it. we got two new ones at about the two month spot and I switched to looking at those until I felt sick. I felt the pain in my heart until the moment I finally held him in my arms.

Now with Tamrat I have almost 20 pictures. the variety helps a lot but they also bring pain because of the visual evidence of what I have missed. The last pictures we got brought such a conflicting range of emotions. I was so relieved to see him standing. It answered many of our questions about his developmental progress. I was thrilled; and yet that night Katie and i cried deep sobs over the loss of being with him for his first shaky steps.

I suppose it is selfish to hope that in the next 30 days he does not grow or learn anything new. And yet it takes the honestly of a 7 year old to make me realize that that is how I feel at times.

I am relieved to know that we are on the final stretch. just 21 days until he will be safe in Daddy's arms and just 30 days until he comes home to a family who has been loving him and waiting since May to stop looking at pictures and finally see HIM.

New pictures

2009-02-23T18:40:00.000-08:00

I did it

2009-02-14T12:04:00.000-08:00

I finally sucked it up and bought Craig a ticket to ET. I am still hoping for someone to go with him but It will not be me. Zekari needs one of us at home and logic just will not allow me to go without Craig right now. So there we have it. I do feel a little solace in that I got a really good deal and really nice flights there and back.

travel confirmed

2009-02-12T15:53:00.000-08:00

One or both of us will be arriving in Ethiopia on the evening of Thursday March 19th. My head is spinning. Now that the travel date is confirmed I want to go so bad that I just can not wrap my head around the idea of staying home again. Of all the decisions we made when we adopted Zekari, not traveling is the one that I believe I will regret for the rest of my life. I am just a mess over this. There is no peace in either decision for me. I think that this is something I need to do and yet all logic point the other way. Now that I have to confirm Craig's ticket I am all knotted up inside. The answer of course would be for both of us to go and maybe some of the kids but alas, We are not exactly rolling in cash this afternoon so we must make a choice.

Travel

2009-02-09T11:44:00.000-08:00

We have a tentative travel date for the week of March 19-26. I was hoping for the week before that but I suppose in the big picture a few more weeks wont kill us. Now for the hectic planning to ensue. I am off to look at ticket options.

Unknowns

2009-02-03T17:05:00.000-08:00

In a month or two I will meet my little son for the first time. The little boy I have worries and prayed for. I cant wait to hold him in my arms, to see for myself his little hand that has been the cause of so much medical attention, to feel his little limbs and KNOW if his muscle tone has improved or not.

I have mulled over the paper work so many times I could recite it to you. Abnormal posturing of the right arm (slightly vague but somewhat telling). A variety of other health problems that I will not yet divulge, but pointing to the possibility of Cerebral Palsy. Then to see his improvement, he nearly doubled in weight, he sits, he makes eye contact and he sucks his little fingers. The CP diagnosis is thrown out. The doctors both in Ethiopia and here have offered a few options for his diagnosis but without proper testing it is so hard to say.

Some of the pictures are too sad to share. He lost weight during his first long year in an orphanage. And yet he smiles, he laughs and reaches out to others to make the connection so important during the infant period. I don't know for sure what to expect when Tamrat comes home. We have prepared ourselves for a worst case scenario and prayed for the best. Our little boy will be with us soon and we can hopefully answer many of our questions.

We entered this process planning to adopt a special needs child. At times I feared we may get in over our heads. At other times I was supremely confidant in our abilities. Most of the time, I simply wait not knowing what to think. The waiting is nearly finished and I am so excited to move on to the next part of our journey

Tamrat is ours

2009-01-29T12:19:00.001-08:00

At last we can show you the pictures of our precious little boy, Last night some time when I was sleeping a judge in Ethiopia declared that Tamrat Fanossai is now Tamrat Craig Schwartz. Tamrat at three months wight 10 pounds
Tamrat at 10 months, weight 9 pounds :(

Tamrat at 16 months, weight 18 pounds :)

Thursday is the day

2009-01-25T23:20:00.000-08:00

I got an update from our agency and they are really hopeful about our court date this week. I am trying not to get myself worked up about it. I don't know how much disappointment I can take with Craig out of town. I will keep you all up to date and of course if we pass I will post a picture within minutes.

Melkam Genna

2009-01-07T14:14:00.000-08:00

Today is Christmas in Ethiopia. My thoughts and prayers are with my little boy in ET and with Zekari's first family on this beautiful day

some hope

2008-12-22T15:26:00.001-08:00

They have scheduled another court date for Jan 29th in case they find the the person who has disappeared. They believe that they have a lead and are hopeful about contacting her in time for the new date. I am hopeful for the first time this week. I have really run the gauntlet of emotions the last few days. I am feeling much better today.

Now for the bad news

2008-12-18T11:09:00.000-08:00

sorry to have been so mysterious. Yesterday morning we got some very bad news that may delay our case up to four months. I can't give specifics(mostly because I don't know them) Only that a key person to the court case had disappeared. Their testimony is mandatory for our adoption. There is a search in progress but the infrastructure for searching in rural Ethiopia is not great. If the person can not be found we have to wait for a three month search and then go to court then wait for an embassy appointment. This could easily take us into May. I am really struggling. My poor baby needs medical attention, not to mention a family. I am praying that the person will show up for court tomorrow, but the chances are almost none.

Horrible News

2008-12-17T12:17:00.000-08:00

I can't bring myself to write about it yet. Our case will not be heard on the 19th. We could be in for a very extended wait.

dreaming of my baby

2008-12-10T16:59:00.000-08:00

Every now and then I have a dream that I do not want to forget. When we started the process to adopt Zekari and well before I was pregnant with Dan I had a vivid dream of being 7 months pregnant when I met my then unknown son. Last night I had a dream I need to remember. I used my husbands construction pencil and sketched a quick still shot from it. Just to be clear for legal reasons, because I can not share photos of Tamrat just yet. This is a sketch of a dream not a photo or a memory.

re twisting at 2 weeks

2008-12-04T11:25:00.000-08:00

I had to redo three of them on the back of his head. Most are doing really good.

the adoption braid

2008-11-24T12:46:00.001-08:00

Most people involved in adoption are familiar with the term Adoption triad. The idea is that there are three parties involved. The child, the birth family and the adoptive family. In adoption magazines you see jewelry with the triad symbol, books about it, and info on discussing it with your children. I like the idea, and feel it is important to acknowledge the significant of birth family in the process. In many cases the info is limited or unknown and yet, we know that there is or was a woman who bore these children and a man who fathered them. But that is not why I am writing this.

I am introducing a different concept in adoption. As I look at our experience and that of others I think that adoption is better represented by a braid, or a twist, or maybe just a tangle. The triangle leaves so many out who are so important to the process. Zekari had a relative who cared for him until her death that is not included in the triad. There were nannies who cared for him and Doctors who all played an important part in his life.

Let me tell you a story that I have seen unfold in the last few months. It definitely has more sides then three and has yet to be completed. Most of you know that our family had planned to adopt a little girl this spring. I never fully explained on the blog why it did not work out. It is complicated and difficult. My heart was broken and the kids (especially Katie) took it pretty hard.

Even though I was very saddened by not being her mother I felt a peace about it that I can not explain. I have prayed for her daily and we talk of her often. In June we found Tamrat waiting in a different orphanage and after lots of research we decided to move forward to adopt him. I announced the match on my adoption blog and a woman contacted me who has proven to be extremely helpful. Her family had considered adopting Tamrat a few months earlier but similar to our first attempt, it just didn't work out.

Because she had seen his files and paperwork (I am not allowed to share these with people other then physicians and social workers until he is legally ours) she was able to help me understand a lot of things about him. She had a perspective and knowledge that I did not and it was really good to have someone to talk to about it.

Shortly after my new friends family experienced a failed adoption of their own. I know how hard it can be and prayed for them daily. A few weeks ago they decided to move forward again, and chose Ethiopia. I e-mailed her to talk a little about some of the waiting children with the agency they chose and guess what. They have been matched with the little girl that we have been praying for. The very little girl our family was matched with. Of all the strange twist to this journey; I am thrilled that the sweet little girl who I once thought would be mine; who I had allowed myself to love in a way that only mothers do, finally has a family. And I know them; I look forward to seeing this little one happy at home with a mommy and a daddy again, with brothers and sister and enough food to eat, and medical care.

I cried like a baby at my computer when I found out that my fiend was going to be her mother. I believe that God has a plan for our family and her family. We both had some twist and terns in our journey. Neither of us have our children home yet. There could be more twist and terns to come. Who knows what shape it will take in the end? In our case probably not a triad. But God has a plan for these sweet children. And, I am so blessed to be a part of it.

Hair

2008-11-20T20:29:00.000-08:00

One of the things you find when researching trans racial adoption is that hair is a big deal. I will admit that I just figured that we would keep our son's hair short. After we got Zekari home his scalp was in such bad shape that we had no choice but to cut it and get his skin healthy. His hair was thin and brittle. With advise from a friend with an African daughter we started conditioning his scalp and hair daily.

After a year his hair was think and healthy. It was also course and matted. I did research on the Internet about what to do but found it confusing. The people talked of washing the hair and coming it out. I looked at his head and I knew there was no coming this hair out. His curls are tiny and tight. When coiled up his hair was 1/4 inch long. stretched out it was nearly four inches. I toyed with a few ideas. I did a few different brades. He simply did not like mommy picking at him and decided he wanted it cut for summer. I reluctantly cut it short this spring.

This summer we had friends form Kenya at camp and I was able to talk to one of them about African hair vs. African American hair. I discovered that Zekari's hair type is more common in the south of Ethiopia and northern Kenya. It is very unresponsive to straighteners and the best kind of hair for locs, twists, and braids. As his hair has grown back he has started to pay a lot of attention to other men's hair, especially other black men. He has decided over the course of several months to get locs. I will admit that I am therily intimidated and with no loctician for 200 miles the job falls to me.

Over the next several months I will try to document our progress. I figure the worst thing I can do is completely ruin his hair, humiliate myself, and make him ashamed that I am his mother. But hey, lots of people lived through that, right?

Court date!!!

2008-11-06T17:53:00.000-08:00

We are dancing for joy at our house today! We have finally been assigned a court date. The special day is Dec 19th. We are one step closer to Tamrat being our son.

A little perspective

2008-10-17T11:27:00.000-07:00

I recently read on a political blog a comment that made me think. She said in earnest "Americans just cant live like this any more". This was in reference to our financial crisis. I sat in my warm home sipping coffee and eating toast and wondered--live like what?. Yes I am concerned about the situation our country is in, but look around. Have you gone without anything you need (or even anything you really want)? I challenge you to look at the pictures on this link and then take a look at your life and think. Decide if maybe, just maybe we don't have it so bad: maybe we can "keep living like this"

http://www.noorimages.com/index.php?id=2544

A Miracle for My Miracle

2008-10-15T13:32:00.000-07:00

We got an update on Tamrat today. Thought tears I read about his recovery that lives up to his name--Miracle. I stared at the picture. For a minute I thought they must have sent me the wrong picture. There he sits, unsupported, holding up his own head, his little arms chubby. Then I recognize the futures from the previous pictures when his skin was pulled tight over a boney skeleton. The same little nose, the same beautiful indentation above his upper lip. The same crease in his right ear. Oh my stars my baby looks healthy. He is beautiful. The medical report reads "previous ---------- normalized. 50th percentile height and weight, 50th percentile head circumference. All the prayer I have said for this little boy did not fall on deaf ears. The nights of wondering weather I am stepping in over my head, and all the what ifs that come with a special needs adoption have been banished from my mind (at least for a time). Thank you God.

I 171H

2008-10-07T22:24:00.000-07:00

I will confess that for the last several months I have feared the worst. We should have received the I-171H in the end of July but it was delayed and we just got it today. Now we can be assigned a court date. I am feeling much better and allowing myself to get excited.

Some sad and happy news

2008-09-26T15:24:00.000-07:00

I learned yesterday that some time in the last month Tamrat was hospitalized for a while. He is doing better now but I so wish that I could hold him.

No news yet on a court date. The courts will re-open in a couple of weeks. I am loosing hope that he will be home for Christmas.

A Present for little one

2008-08-04T13:54:00.000-07:00

Last night Katie and I put together a box of things to send to Ethiopia. I covered the picture of Tamrat with the toy because it is against the law in Ethiopia to publish pictures of him until he is legally our son.

Good news for Ethiopia's many HIV+ orphans

2008-07-31T11:02:00.000-07:00

today is the day that President Bush signed the PEPFAR legistlation, tripling funds to fight HIV/AIDS, TB and Malaria, AND, removed the US-entry ban on HIV-positive visitors and immigrants, which has stood since 1987 (and has required the stinking "waiver" for families adopting HIV+ children internationally). More has to happen before the waiver is no longer required, but this is a huge step and it is very likely that in the very near future, families adopting HIV+ kids will not have the extra hassle, expense or travel time of the waiver.

For a little more info on this go to

http://fullhousehandshearts.typepad.com/

New Pictures

2008-07-30T20:20:00.000-07:00

I am so happy to have new pictures of Tamrat today. Of course I would love even more to be able to share them. Hopefully we will get an October court date. He is so beautiful. His eyes are huge and black like Zekari's. He is a little chubbier and much more alert in the new pictures. In one his nanny is holding him and he is laughing. I am so jealous of her I could cry. It makes me want to hold him all the more.

Referral of a Miracle

2008-07-17T15:35:00.000-07:00

I just got off the phone with our adoption agency. As of today we are officially matched with the little guy we have been working to adopt. Now we are not through court yet so still no pictures. But I will now share his name with you. It is Tamrat(tom-rrrot). It means miracle. Until now I have been referring to him as Mirahto. I will now be using Tamrat most of the time, but they are one in the same. He will be one year old on July 28th. He has huge black eyes, just like his big brother Zekari. We are so happy!

A baby?

2008-07-17T14:23:00.000-07:00

I honestly never thought we would be in the process to bring home a baby. When we started the process we were open to a child up to four years old. When I contacted our agency to inquire about waiting children they only had one from Ethiopia. Everything about him fit the description of a child we wanted to adopt: Everything except the fact that he is a baby. I assumed we would adopt an older child so I had not put much thought into things like bottle feeding (and or nursing), diapers, co-sleeping and other things I things I have done with my other babies. Now that I have started to think about it I am so excited. Although he will probably be a little over one year by the time we get him home, I am excited to be adopting such a tiny little person. Zekari was three when he came home and I loved that age. I always thought if we adopted again we would go with another toddler or older kid. This is a new feeling for me and I am enjoying it immensely.

Every thing is good

2008-07-14T17:25:00.000-07:00

I got the OK about the dossier. All the paperwork looks good. We got word that the I-171H is on it's way and then we are REALY done

The Dossier has safely arrived

2008-07-14T12:51:00.000-07:00

I got word from our agency this morning that they have our dossier. I am very relieved. They now have to go through it and let me know if it is all Ok. Keep your fingers crossed for us.

One stage finished-now for the waiting

2008-07-13T12:41:00.000-07:00

Originally posted 7-11-08
I send the dossier in this morning. I have to say I am a little paranoid to have it in limbo over the weekend. There is over $1000 worth of papers in one envelope. Until I hear from thr agency that they have it I will be a little on edge. At the same time I am so relieved to be finished with it. Now we have to formally except the referral and settle in for a few months wait.

I forgive you Todd Rokita

2008-07-13T12:40:00.001-07:00

Originally posted 7-10-08

I am happy to say that my last page of the dossier has arrived. Only three tries and they got it right. I now have the entire packet of papers together and ready to go. And this third time they expedited it and did not charge us again so I suppose I will forgive them.

Adoption #2 moving ahead

2008-07-13T12:37:00.000-07:00

Originally posted 7/7/08
We started this journey in January when we attempted to adopt a waiting child from Ethiopia. When it did not work out we were left paperwork ready but not sure witch way to go. I did hours of research on adoption in many different African countries, and many different agencies. Finally in May I found a baby waiting for a family. He lives in a small orphanage in Addis Ababa. Until we officially accept his referral we are not sharing any of his info, so I don’t have much to tell about him. He is just under a year and very handsome. Until I can share his picture and name I will call him Mirahto(the phonetic spelling of Mercy in Amharic). We are waiting for our I-171H form back from US Immigration, and then we are ready to go to court in Ethiopia. We hope to have him Home by November. We are useing an agency that is just starting their Ethiopia program but have been a force in international adoption for a long time. We are praying and hoping that through our Lord's miraculous mercy we will bring home a child that He has for us.

Adoption # 1 finished 2006

2008-07-13T12:36:00.000-07:00

When we began our adoption journey I loved to read the stories of other families who had adopted. So now that we have a story of our own, here goes.

In The spring of 2005 my husband and I decided to adopt a child. Adoption had always been something we wonted to do. My best friend was adopted from Taiwan and we had spent many hours talking about adoption and the affect it has on children and the families they join.
I began to research varies countries that had adoption programs and we settled on Ethiopia. At that time there were only four agencies working in Ethiopia. We started with Wide Horizons for Children in the fall of 2005. We already had three biological daughters so we decided on an infant boy. We waited for a referral for two months before I found out that I was pregnant. Wide Horizons told us we could no longer continue with them. I began to desperately call the other agencies working in Ethiopia. I found rainbowkids.com and saw that a two year old boy was waiting with Children’s Home Society & Family Services. I contacted them and the match was made. His name was Zekarias. He was healthy and waiting because of his age. He was the most adorable little boy. He stared sadly at the camera as if to say “please come bring me home”. After four months of waiting for the courts to grant the adoption my husband and my mom traveled to Ethiopia to bring him home. Zekari came home to us on Christmas Eve 2006. Two months later his little brother was born. I discovered later that he was conceived on the same day that Zekari was brought to the orphanage in Hossana. I am so thankful to CHSFS for allowing us to bring my Zekari into our family. And I am so thankful to God for showing us the way. We probably would never have considered an older child had I not become pregnant. I am determined to keep as much of Zekari’s heritage alive as I can. He has lost all of his Amharic and Kambatta language, and I know he will always be affected by the loss of his birth country. I hope that when he is old enough to wonder about the hard questions I will be able to give him an answer. Or at least point him in the direction of an answer.

The streets of addis

2008-07-13T12:34:00.002-07:00

The trip South

2008-07-13T12:34:00.001-07:00

My Husband made the 4 hour trip from Addis Ababa to see our son's home town. It was the chance of a life time and something we will always cherish.

2008-07-13T11:24:00.000-07:00